My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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