Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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