Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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