I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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