his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it glows. i had to have it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm too high and old for this...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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