I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
