Already got asked if we're dating
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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