Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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