we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
