My cat gives me a boner
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize