Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it because I queefed?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
