Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize