Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
