If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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