tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
