I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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