Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
