tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
