I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
