What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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