I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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