i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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