Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
