I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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