But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
