I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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