I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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