you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
