just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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