your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish there were birth control emojis
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
