Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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