I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
