youre lurking in front of me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
