god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
