stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
