dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
