I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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