I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
