youre lurking in front of me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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