also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
