I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Randomize
