I will die if light touches me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
