sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
