So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
please don't ironically join a cult
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