turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
