Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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