I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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