Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
