When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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