Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
