I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this hospital has no fireball
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
