My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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