Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
