You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
