This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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