and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
