Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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