bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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