batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize