he was CRYING into my vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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