So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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