just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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