Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize