none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
