Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
