No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
