Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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