Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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