Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
