Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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