I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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