what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
