I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
