Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
