She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize