Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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