it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
