4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
